Dream, 15th April, Anonymous

Not a good start to the week! The first thing to assail me this morning
was a narrative about a young person’s suicide. Our cat has
irreversible kidney disease. Creatinine levels are in the red. A
‘patient’ has worrying path results. My body aches.

I dream about a collage of these events. I dream that it is not advisable
to euthanise a black cat with emerald eyes. I dream of an unknown
young person hanging. Or maybe their wrists are slit. I don’t know.
Images flash before my eyes. There are written lab reports on my
desk. Dancing. I am confused. I am dying. I didn’t know that I was
dying but my body is like a generator issuing terrible reverberations
of pain. I will not be alive. I will not be able to tell anybody what it is
like to die. I will be dead when these terrible electric shocks stop. I
wake myself up shouting my partner’s name.