Tuesday 31st March The Coronet Diaries.

FROM HIGH TO LOO

My industrial consignment

I’m not sure if I will be fit for purpose when I finish tonight but just in case I’m not in true Shakespearian style I am moving from high to low, tragedy to the ridiculous. A few days back I blogged about the humble lavatory roll and the passing of the bidet. What I forgot to add is that John is very fastidious about both loo paper and the quality of our tissues: ‘ They both have to be ultra-soft!’. Seeing I don’t normally do the shopping I don’t make such subtle distinctions but while I was writing the loo blog I Googled and found that loo paper and flour were the most sort after commodities along with gold. After an extensive search on conglomerate and international domestic cleaning sites I hunted down some commercial quality loo rolls. They were delivered today and like all our other deliveries they will now remain in isolation in the front hall for a statutory 24 hours. Instead of congratulating me John expressed contempt for my purchase. He said he could not imagine a time when loos rolls of such industrial and rough quality would be relevant. I hope he’s right but yesterday he had to Google the word Hazmat. To be honest it’s only three weeks since I knew such a word existed.

I have been sorting out my laptop ‘desktop’. I noticed there were duplicate copies of my final care instructions in the event of catastrophic illness I did not/do not want to be resuscitated or given antibiotics. John wants to preserve his life at any costs. My children don’t believe me. Now the unsolicited thought occurs to me that just as new words are entering into consciousness every day so are new limits to life. Ration books are being issued and the truth – according to some media reports – is that we are both in the category of people who may not find a bed welcoming us into ICU. All things change.

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